Reader Beware: this one is lengthy and revealing (not the naked kind of revealing, get your mind out of the gutter, sheesh) .
For as long as I can remember I have wanted my children to be boys. Strapping young men to help with the myriad of animals I wish to someday acquire . Some people might question why I would want boys over girls, but I have several reasons.
I grew up in a family of five. Three girls, and two boys. My two sisters are the eldest, followed by my two brothers. We aren't one of those " a kid every two years" families, so my sisters are approximately 11 and 13 years older than I am. My brothers however are only 5 and 3 years older than I. I love my sisters, but I mostly grew up with my brothers. You get used to being with what you grew up with, and I grew up with boys, so I wanted to have my own.
My eldest sister was married a few months before I turned 9, and they welcomed their first child, a boy, 13 months later. Two years later they had a second child, another boy. My first baby experiences were with those two little guys. Once again, you want what you know, so there's another point towards wanting boys.
I've never been great at comforting people...and well girls tend to be emotional. Need I say more?
There are probably more reasons, but I think you get the point. I have always wanted boys. Remember this post? I even thought Juliet was a boy. However, I am in no way disappointed that my first child is the opposite gender of what I have wanted for years. One reason for this being that the more I think about it, the more I realize that while I wanted a boy, God knew I needed a girl and let me tell you why.
Not too many years ago (though sometimes it feels like a lifetime) I had a bit of a mental breakdown. A breakdown that lasted far too long, for no real reason. I had terrible body image, terrible self worth and horrible depression. I fell into some pretty bad habits during this time, habits that are hard to shake. Many of you may know, and many of you may not, that an eating disorder was developed during this time. Eating disorders are not something that are easily taken care of, and many people who have them will tell you that they are a lifelong disease. Even when I am doing well, the thoughts still haunt me.
God knows all of our struggles, and he knew mine. He knew even though I had control of the monster (instead of it controlling me), that I needed a little push to keep me strong. Strong enough to be able to resist the little voice that comes calling telling me to put down the fork and walk away. God knew that best thing he could do for me was to have my first child be a daughter instead of a son.
I never want Juliet to feel the way I did. I want her to think highly of herself. I want her to be happy with herself. I never want her to think she needs to lose weight to be beautiful, or that she has to fit in a certain dress size before prom. In order for this to happen, I need to be her example. I need to not care about my pants size, or what weight I am at, as long as I am healthy.
God knew that a daughter was the one thing that would keep me constantly motivated to resist temptation. He knew I needed a girl as my first child so that I would stay strong post-pregnancy when I realized I would probably never fit in my pants again, because my body had changed. He knew a daughter would help me in ways I could never imagine.
I am so glad that God does not give us what we want, but instead gives us what he knows we need. I may have wanted a boy, but I know now that I needed a girl.
