I wanted a boy, but I needed a girl.

Reader Beware: this one is lengthy and revealing (not the naked kind of revealing, get your mind out of the gutter, sheesh) .

For as long as I can remember I have wanted my children to be boys. Strapping young men to help with the myriad of animals I wish to someday acquire . Some people might question why I would want boys over girls, but I have several reasons.

I grew up in a family of five. Three girls, and two boys. My two sisters are the eldest, followed by my two brothers. We aren't one of those " a kid every two years" families, so my sisters are approximately 11 and 13 years older than I am. My brothers however are only 5 and 3 years older than I. I love my sisters, but I mostly grew up with my brothers. You get used to being with what you grew up with, and I grew up with boys, so I wanted to have my own.

My eldest sister was married a few months before I turned 9, and they welcomed their first child, a boy, 13 months later. Two years later they had a second child, another boy. My first baby experiences were with those two little guys. Once again, you want what you know, so there's another point towards wanting boys.

I've never been great at comforting people...and well girls tend to be emotional. Need I say more?

There are probably more reasons, but I think you get the point. I have always wanted boys. Remember this post? I even thought Juliet was a boy. However, I am in no way disappointed that my first child is the opposite gender of what I have wanted for years. One reason for this being that the more I think about it, the more I realize that while I wanted a boy, God knew I needed a girl and let me tell you why.

Not too many years ago (though sometimes it feels like a lifetime) I had a bit of a mental breakdown. A breakdown that lasted far too long, for no real reason. I had terrible body image, terrible self worth and horrible depression. I fell into some pretty bad habits during this time, habits that are hard to shake. Many of you may know, and many of you may not, that an eating disorder was developed during this time. Eating disorders are not something that are easily taken care of, and many people who have them will tell you that they are a lifelong disease. Even when I am doing well, the thoughts still haunt me.

God knows all of our struggles, and he knew mine. He knew even though I had control of the monster (instead of it controlling me), that I needed a little push to keep me strong. Strong enough to be able to resist the little voice that comes calling telling me to put down the fork and walk away. God knew that best thing he could do for me was to have my first child be a daughter instead of a son.

I never want Juliet to feel the way I did. I want her to think highly of herself. I want her to be happy with herself. I never want her to think she needs to lose weight to be beautiful, or that she has to fit in a certain dress size before prom. In order for this to happen, I need to be her example. I need to not care about my pants size, or what weight I am at, as long as I am healthy.

God knew that a daughter was the one thing that would keep me constantly motivated to resist temptation. He knew I needed a girl as my first child so that I would stay strong post-pregnancy when I realized I would probably never fit in my pants again, because my body had changed. He knew a daughter would help me in ways I could never imagine.

I am so glad that God does not give us what we want, but instead gives us what he knows we need. I may have wanted a boy, but I know now that I needed a girl.

My baby is skinny.

Juliet had her 2 month check-up today. It would have been last week, but our Doctor was on an Alaskan Cruise or something to the sort. Her stats were as follows:
Height 22 1/4 in-30th percentile
Weight: 9.75 lbs (9 lbs, 12 oz)-25th percentile
Head circumference: 38 cm-25th percentile

The only one that surprises me is the height, her legs seem so long. That must just be where all her height is, like me. Tiny torso. Her weight and head being a little on the small side seems right. She looks skinny. Doctor said her growth is great, she just happens to be on the smaller side of things, but have you seen Daniel? He is pretty skinny (and he complains he has a tiny head..).

This appointment was also our first set of shots (besides the one they gave her in the hospital). She has been a champ so far. I think she cried more because she was mad that she was naked than because of the actual shots. She did wake up from a nap screaming. I figure her legs hurt. It has totally got to be worse for the skinny babies whose little legs don't have as much fat for the giant needles to penetrate.

When the Doctor was checking her, she complimented Juliet's head shape, said she could tell we gave her plenty of tummy time. Other people have complimented her head shape too. I really think most of that is the fact that she was excised instead of pushed out.

It's hard to believe that my baby is over 2 months already. The doctor said that too. She knows us pretty well, since she was my pediatrician from the time I was about 5. Anyway, enjoy this picture of my pretty baby.

All ready for my cousin's wedding reception.

Like Mother like Daughter version 2.0

Baby Burrito

Mommy Burrito

Daniel thought it would be fun to wrap me like he does the baby. I begrudgingly let him. The baby burrito is much more adorable, plus she actually likes it in there. Not having access to your arms and legs isn't fun for adults. 

Without You

Juliet has been a bit of a fussy girl the past few nights, because of that I was inspired to write this poem. Enjoy! (I know I did, I cried writing the last part, the good tears).

It’s six o’clock in the morning,
And I have been up with you since two,
Times like this I try to remember,
What life was like without you.

I got a shower nearly every day,
I would match my outfit with my shoes,
 And my hair was almost always cute,
Since I had the time to lose.

My apartment was much more tidy,
Dinner was a much more extravagant faire,
I remembered to wear my apron,
And much less gunk ended up in my hair.

I spent less time in my pajamas,
I always took my time getting dressed,
Searching for that perfect top,
To compliment my then much smaller chest.

I did crazy things like skydive,
I spent much more time with friends,
I went shopping because it was relaxing,
Plus I had more money to spend.

Back then I had time to myself,
I even think I was more smart,
But I didn’t have those deep blue eyes,
That always melt my heart.

I didn’t have a mother’s love,
My heart was much more mean,
Because I hadn’t met the prettiest little girl,
That I have ever seen.

I didn’t have that toothless grin,
To warm me to my soul,
Or those perfect little baby cuddles,
For when I feel I’ve lost control.

  

I didn’t have that adoring face,
That can tell I’m her mom,
That beautiful little baby girl,
Who wants me when things go wrong.

It’s now six-thirty in the morning,
And I have been up with you since two,
Times like this I start to wonder,
How I ever lived without you.

Like Mother like Daughter

Daniel took this picture of me sleeping the other day. Apparently I suck my lip in like that pretty often. I had no idea. This itself is not interesting.

The interesting part is this:

Juliet doing the exact same thing the same day. With how much I think she looks like her daddy, it's good to see she takes after me in something.

Daniel the Daddy

Daniel is a great little daddy and he says some pretty cute things. I thought I would share a few.

After a long night of baby screaming he says to me "It's hard being a daddy...you wouldn't know, you're the mommy."

Yesterday I was waking up from a nap and heard the following "conversation"
"There you go little girl, I changed your diaper. Are you happy now?"
higher pitched voice "Why thank you, you are the best daddy in the whole world"
"Ah, I'm not the best in the WHOLE world"
higher pitched voice "Yes you are daddy!"
"Ah, well if you say so."

Hiccups

This is Juliet's first case of hiccups. Maybe we are lame, but we think it's pretty cute. She has had them several times since then, but we just had to document the first time.